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Last night I had a terrible dream. When I was a kid and even into my teens + early adult hood, this happened a lot. My parents never knew if it was in fact night terrors, but it felt like it to me. I remember sleeping in my parents bedroom out of fear of falling asleep due to the dreams that followed. But I feel like it's been years since this felt like an issue. Typically I'm an insanely deep sleeper and don't remember a thing when I wake up. But when I do, it sucks. I used to write some of my dreams into a dream journal. Reading back on them I have some insane things in my brain that often time have deep life analogies. They are usually based on underlying fears I push deep down into a part of my brain I don't like to tap into.
This morning around 6 am, I woke up suddenly with tears on my face gasping for air. Not because I wasn't able to breath in my dream, more like a silent scream. This feeling is a familiar one I like to wish away. I wanted to make my dream stop and I remember in my dream telling my subconscious to , "Wake up Lisa, wake up. You can make this stop!" The feeling of helplessness in my dream was relentless. Its like my subconscious was fighting for me, it's the strangest feeling. When I did get myself to open my eyes, I knew my baby was safe in her bed and I immediately felt relief. But the fear was still there. I quickly began to pour my heart into prayer per routine of my growing up years. Only through prayer are my fears calmed and I can feel grounded again.
As I drifted back to sleep the dream unfortunately returned. More details unfolded and I remember thinking in my dream that I didn't like what was happening and I didn't want to know the end. I decided it was time for me to wake up. I woke up again and decided to stay awake this time. I said my prayer, then went and grabbed my Remi and squeezed her tight and had some long lazy morning snuggles. I took my time this morning with her instead of rushing off to the gym. I wanted to cherish her all the more.
Dreams are weird. I don't understand them. I just know it taught me that life is short and oh so precious. Hold onto the ones you love tight. Do your best to keep them safe and have faith and trust in yourself and your Savior. The love of a mother is fierce. So incredibly fierce. Deep to a degree that is indescribable. I know this is the way our Heavenly Father feels for each of us, and I feel so honored every day to receive that gift of love for my daughter and my future children.
So, to bring things full circle. I wanted to post these photos of my daughter and I in the beautiful flower fields of ranunculus. They bring me so much joy. A reminder of God's beautiful creations and love. Running through flower fields is a much better dreamy situation anyway haha. Mothers day is on the horizon and I was so blessed to have these photos taken in honor of that special day. Thank you Hannah for sharing your amazing talent with us! I will forever cherish these images.
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thanks for stopping by, xo